Girlfriend 3000

My girlfriend’s turned into a cyborg,

it happened when she started work.

Like Robocop she strides the sidewalk,

I trail behind her like a jerk.


She runs up stairs instead of walking,

her robot voice is quick and plain.

She’s like a female Stephen Hawking,

without the wheelchair or the brain.


She used to be a laugh at uni,

we’d miss our lectures and make out,

we’d stay in bed and act all spoony,

discussing what this life’s about.


But then she got a job in London,

that’s when she started to transform.

She took her old ways and she flung’em,

to wear a corporate uniform.


She got all nonchalant and bossy,

and worshipped money like a god.

I got looked down on by her posse,

like horrid poo in which she’d trod.


As time went on we gravitated,

towards our opposite extremes:

her in a bubble she’d created,

me lost inside a thousand dreams.


We stayed together out of habit

but we had fallen out of love.

She was as faithful as a rabbit,

I was as passive as a dove.


We thought that we could change each other,

but now we realise we were fools.

Can’t be a bully and a lover,

or else you fall between two stools.


Let’s take this horsey to the knacker,

we over-flogged it and it died.

Time for the robot and the slacker,

to go and find a better ride.


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