My girlfriend’s turned into a cyborg,
it happened when she started work.
Like Robocop she strides the sidewalk,
I trail behind her like a jerk.
She runs up stairs instead of walking,
her robot voice is quick and plain.
She’s like a female Stephen Hawking,
without the wheelchair or the brain.
She used to be a laugh at uni,
we’d miss our lectures and make out,
we’d stay in bed and act all spoony,
discussing what this life’s about.
But then she got a job in London,
that’s when she started to transform.
She took her old ways and she flung’em,
to wear a corporate uniform.
She got all nonchalant and bossy,
and worshipped money like a god.
I got looked down on by her posse,
like horrid poo in which she’d trod.
As time went on we gravitated,
towards our opposite extremes:
her in a bubble she’d created,
me lost inside a thousand dreams.
We stayed together out of habit
but we had fallen out of love.
She was as faithful as a rabbit,
I was as passive as a dove.
We thought that we could change each other,
but now we realise we were fools.
Can’t be a bully and a lover,
or else you fall between two stools.
Let’s take this horsey to the knacker,
we over-flogged it and it died.
Time for the robot and the slacker,
to go and find a better ride.