Vagus Contagious

This corporate world of money carrots and vapid distraction has us all comatose, trundling heartlessly like zombie mice on wheels to nowhere.

So I figured it’s time for an emotional workout people.

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Put on your spandex and leg warmers, unroll your designer mat, stop looking at that guy’s ass in front, and try not to fart as you strain muscles that atrophied away 10 years ago…

First of all, check out this little dog’s reaction when the family’s daughter comes back home for the first time in 2 years:

I don’t think I’ve heard a dog scream before. I definitely haven’t seen a dog faint. I have seen several faint dogs though. They come to me at night…mostly.

This one has been doing the rounds for years now. Two dapper Dans living in London bought a lion cub from Harrods(wrong on sooo many levels) and eventually realised it was a bit of a dick move keeping a lion in a little back garden in a city. So they did the right thing and sent it back to Africa. They missed him though and, despite prevailing wisdom saying he’d bite their heads off, they went and visited him. This is what happenened(hint: they both get mauled):

See what I did for you there. Made you think it was gross, and then you got a double dollop of “Awwwwwwwww!”.

God damn these videos are an emotional violation aren’t they. I do apologise. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.

But I’m too far into it now – the Samurai code says I have to finish what I started. No wait that’s the Onion-eye code! Oh Jesus – I am so sorry – poor even by my low standards.

OK let’s stay strong and plough through this. Whatever comes out of these gates, we’ve got a better chance of survival if we work together. Do you understand? If we stay together we survive.

This one’s pretty special – a girl with a prosthetic leg gets a nice birthday surprise:

Don’t give me that look. You should be thanking me – there was one of a kid saying goodbye to his pet dog before it was put down, but that’s just below the belt man. I can’t do that to you.

So you’re just going to have to settle for another soppy renunion I’m afraid.

This one always gets me. I don’t know why(cos you’re a sissy!  HEEEYYY?!).

Apparently that avalanche you just felt in your throat/chest is your vagus nerve triggering.

Well I don’t know about you but my tear ducts are sucking vapour at this point, so for the love of God, let’s end on a happy note…

Anyone familiar with BBC’s Radio 4 in the UK and its tradition for sober exquisitely enunciated current affairs programming, cannot help but be charmed by this little gem:

Well I hope you are feeling nicely purged of all that pent up tear gas and chuckle fluff.

You’re welcome. That will be 87973.99 Innuit Bokfroons please. Or 3 owls, the choice is yours. No eagle owls though. those guys are trouble makers and I won’t have them in the house.

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