Elephant Man

 

I like to ride my elephant,

but only when I’m really drunk,

you could say he’s recalcitrant,

he picks me up inside his trunk,

and puts me back on back to front.

 

We gallop round the neighbour’s lawn,

and leave big footprints in the grass,

my naked neighbour all forlorn,

runs out and shouts “You shall not pass!”,

it’s like some kind of Gandalf porn.

 

One day we rode into the zoo,

to set the captive inmates free,

I tried to ride the rhino too,

but then she charged into a tree,

I flew off and I lost a shoe.

 

He cuts the weekly shop in half,

the supermarket’s where he shines,

I tried it once on a giraffe,

her neck got tangled in the signs,

since then she always wears a scarf.

 

In summer we drop by the school,

he sucks the lake up in his snout,

and spurts the kids to keep them cool,

oh how it makes them laugh and shout,

the teachers all think I’m a fool.

 

I cannot ride him any more,

it’s not my choice, the doctor said,

I’d rather ride round and explore,

but now I need nine weeks in bed,

his backbone made my bottom sore.

 

 

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