Hey where’d all the cashiers go?
there’s less here than last week you know?
There’s only two and that’s bad news,
cos both have got enormous queues.
No queue for the self-service though,
the prospect makes me nervous though.
It doesn’t matter what I do,
those checkouts are my Waterloo.
So this time I will try my best,
the girl in charge will be impressed.
I choose the one that feels most right,
the one that doesn’t want a fight.
I place my basket on the side,
the screen says bags can be supplied,
but there’s no need, I bought my own,
I place them in the bagging zone.
STRIKE ONE! It says I did it wrong,
is this not where the bags belong?
The girl assists begrudgingly,
I feel like she is judging me.
Bad start, I need to raise my game,
to Hell with electronic blame!
I need to show it who’s the boss.
I start to scan my food across.
The bread I scanned has fallen down,
I dread what’s coming with a frown.
STRIKE TWO! And “help is on the way”,
looks like today is not my day.
She comes to fix it with a hmpf,
am I the worst she’s seen this month?
Hey don’t blame me I didn’t mean,
to checkout with a damn machine!
You greedy bullies forced my hand,
you left the checkouts undermanned,
and now I get to look a jerk,
cos your new gizmo doesn’t work.
I have to keep it simple now,
avoid the things it won’t allow,
just scan the things and put them down,
no more the bumbling clumsy clown.
The bag is full, I need to switch…
STRIKE THREE! You electronic BITCH!
I cannot be the only one,
this evil thing keeps shitting on?
And now the other people there,
are crowding round to have a stare.
Their sympathy is minimal,
I feel like I’m a criminal.
Please God just get me out of here,
I’m hungry and my tummy’s queer,
but now it will not take my card,
since when did shopping get so hard?