By the Numbers

My life is mediocre,

all the colour drained away,

like it was left to soak a

while, till it went limp and grey.


I majored in accounting,

now I’m in the Finance Team.

I can’t say I’m amounting

to the things I used to dream.


My wife and I go shopping,

in the same store once a week.

It’s slow cos we keep stopping,

when her old friends want to speak.


We drive a hybrid Prius,

cos it keeps the planet clean.

The kids laugh when they see us,

and their gestures are obscene.


At church we’re in the choir,

I sing low and she sings high.

The ladylike attire,

looks unfitting on a guy.


The toilet came between us,

so she bought this wicked seat,

that slams shut on my penis,

so I pee on my own feet.


We potter in the garden,

it’s the jewel of our home,

the neighbours begged our pardon,

when their football broke our gnome.


We’ve got a healthy pension,

we can draw when we retire,

whenever it gets mentioned,

I get chest pains and perspire.


Although my life is boring,

it’s the only one I’ve got,

soft beds and hardwood flooring,

then a wife and husband plot.



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