The Master of the Known Blogging Universe Award

Yeah I totally made that up to get your attention SUCKAZ!

Sorry that was rude.

Damn – bad start already. I’m my own worst enemy.

But now that I have your attention, I’d like to thank Khadija from the tasty dishdessert blog for nominating me again for an award – this time it’s The Handsomest Blogger Award.

OK OK OK I made that one up too. Sorry. God dammit.

Though I’d like to think that if there were such an award … oh never mind. You’re no fun today.

OK so she really noninated me for the One Lovely Blog Award.

Thank you very much Khadija – speaking from an impartial standpoint, I think you have impeccable taste.

Well I’d just like to thank my mum without whom I wouldn’t have made it through blogging school. I’d like to thank my blogging teacher who said I’d never amount to anything, HA – in your face Mr Bloggington!

I’d like to thank global warming because it’s an anagram of alarming blowg, which is how someone from Georgia might say “alarming blog”. So that’s probably relevant. Which kinda rhymes with elephant. Which is a mammal with giant cabbage leaves for ears, bendy horns for cheeks, and stools for feet. A stool is what you sit on when you write a blog. COINCIDENCE?!?!?!?!?

I think not readers. And THAT’S what I’m talkin’ about!

(pause for the standing ovation)

No really sit back down please. It’s not necessary.

(and again for a Mexican wave)

Well now you’re just being ridiculous. I command you all to sit down now.

That’s better. Now rub your tummies and pat your heads.

He he he he he he!

Anyway without further tooo doooo here’s the award gubbins:


  1. I am incredibly handsome
  2. When I was 3, I stripped off down to my underpants at nursery school when they announced they were having a jumble sale(I was a big Tarzan fan and heard “jungle sale” – yknow, bizarre child logic). OK, OK, OK, I confess – I was 33 and it was at work.
  3. I once ran a half marathon with one of the worst hangovers I’ve ever had.
  4. I have a bomb strapped to my bottom, and unless I create 8 poor blog posts a day it will explode. Well that’s what the maniac who sellotaped the margarine carton to my arse outside Tesco’s told me 6 months ago anyway. Didn’t want to take any chances if you know what I mean.
  5. I can make fart sounds by cupping one hand under my armpit and flapping my arm downwards like a chicken
  6. I can make fire with my bare hands. Well not strictly with my bare hands, with a knife! OK and some appropriate wood obviously. And I suppose some string if you want to be a stickler. And a cigarette lighter and kerosene. The details suck all the fun out of it if you ask me.
  7. These questions have taught me that (a) I am quite possibly the most boring person I have ever met and (b) I’m probably not better yet and (c) always count how many letters you need first before writing an itemised list.

Be honest now – you tried the armpit fart thing didn’t you? Hmmm? HMMMMM?

Tickle tickle tickle?

It’s OK. You’ve just taken your first step into a much larger world.

My nominations:

Sorry – I don’t feel comfortable nominating people for these awards. I don’t feel like I know anyone well enough to do that. I’m strange like that. Strangely handsome.


  1. Write a post to accept this nomination.
  2. Thank the person who nominated you and mention their blog link.
  3. List 7 things about yourself.
  4. Mention the links of the blogs you further nominate.
  5. Notify the recipients of their award.
  6. Post these rules again.

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