Back By Popular Demand

Well, Hollywood’s been beating down my door yet again, demanding that I suspend my blog embargo and post my, now internationally famous, Valentine’s Day poem(even though it’s technically still Christmas)(actually if we were pagans we’d still be swigging mead, eating chocolates,  and watching The Wizard of Oz for a few days yet)(oh and making love to horses apparently)(I don’t make the yules)

Jesus Christ – no wonder my blog never got off the ground. My blog posts read like Schrodinger’s equation differentiated by Satan after a drunken night in a Turkish brothel.

Enough I say!

So here, without further ado, brought to you by a United Nations injunction, by satellite from the Blackpool Tower ball room, I present to you, the most god damn dangerous poem ever written …

Then I Go and Spoil It All by Saying Something Stupid Like …

Valentine Schmalentine!
Cyanide and sarin time.
You love birds form a tidy line,
I’ll save you from the asinine.

Valentine Schmalentine!
Maybe I’m a bitter swine,
but in the bin you’ll find entwined,
my sentiment with bacon rind.

Valentine Schmalentine!
Putting shackles on what’s mine,
with gifts and cards I fail to sign,
adorned with words so anodyne.

Valentine Schmalentine!
Colour me a philistine,
but why pay more to wine and dine,
when eating out next day is fine?

Valentine Schmalentine!
Florists touting God’s design,
can shove their pricing paradigm,
right up there where the sun don’t shine.

Valentine Schmalentine!
The Book of Love got left behind,
and no-one even broke the spine.
Poor Cupid called and he’s resigned.


8 thoughts on “Back By Popular Demand

    1. Oh hi AI. I missed you too sweetheart. Alas, I don’t have fancy heart pictures on my pauper’s salary.
      But here’s a cat:

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I know – spot the single guy or what! That poem was a long time coming.
      Yes, I think posting the Valentine’s poem on or just before Valentine’s is a better policy than mid January – he he he. I look forward to it.


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