I hereby decree that my blogpostles will spend the next 5 minutes enjoying my holiday daguerreotypes.

God knows you don’t deserve it, you mercurial wastrels, you hulking boobs, you preposterous poltroons!

But I am nothing if not handsomely forgiving, and I can’t stay mad at you for long.

In fact I am so handsome, that when I tried to take a selfie on the beach, my camera shattered into a million pieces whose ethereal forms rose up in unison toward Heaven, thronged by angels strumming lyres.

God came forth and spake “NAY PROPHET DOUBTPUPPET! NAY! Your face is too divine for a mere human camera to capture. I won’t allow it! Take a picture of something else lest I smite you! And your little dog Toto!”

And that my friends(“Hey we’re not your friends!”(Well shucks – that’s just rude(incidentally if anyone knows what a shuck is, please leave a comment below))), is how I invented the bootsie! It’s a trademark which means I can have you shot if you use it, unless you pay me in gold bullion. Or 6 eagle owls.

And a bottle of Tizer.

(plus 3 Toblerones)

Saaaaay – this deal’s getting worse all the time!?


(any more complaints? no? That’s what I thought you little bitch. You’re in MY JUNGLE NOW! And don’t you forget it!)

Now that my signature velvet smooth pre-amble is out of the way(I am available to write smooth introductions for a sickeningly high fee), here’s a couple of bootsies I took on the beach:

Exhibit A:


Exhibit B:


And for the bootcists among you, here are some boring sanitised photos for your boot-hating predilection(you footwear Nazis!):




The trouble with holiday photos without people in is they just look like postcards. Without the vanity it’s no fun.

One more boot-based photo for the road? I knew you’d say yes:


And here’s Patti Page to sing us out:







8 thoughts on “Bootsies

    1. Well I am happy to hear that.
      I’d love to post more,
      but my life is a chore.

      It may look like fun, but it’s actually a lot of blood sweat and Tolberones. An intricate balancing act between the sublime and utter genius, selfless acts of heroic suffering, dabbling with the arcane arts at great personal risk, thinking of random nonsense and stringing it together in no particular order whatsoever.

      I’m glad it give=s you a laugh though Irina! x

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my GOD – there’s actually a definition for it? HA – top marks Secret Loveliness. Top marks! (I nearly said Not bad SP, not bad but then it reminded me of that line from Babe)(oddly I’ve never seen Babe, yet I am still aware of that line).
      So why the hell do people say “aw shucks!”
      That makes no sense. Must have come from embarrassed or annoyed farmers. Next I’ll analyse “crikey Moses!”.

      Liked by 1 person

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