the horror … the horror

Birmingham …. shit.

I’m still only in Birmingham.

Every time I think I’m gonna wake up back down The Smoke.

When I was home after my first redundancy, it was worse.
I’d wake up and there’d be nothing.

I hardly said a word to my girlfriend until I said yes to a break-up.
When I was here I wanted to be there; when I was there all I could think of was getting back into the Midlands.

Been here 6 years now.
Waiting for a job.
Getting softer.

Every minute I stay in this room, I get weaker.
And every minute those spotty little IT graduates slouch in their office chairs, they get stronger.

Each time I looked around the walls moved in a little tighter.

Everyone gets everything he wants.
I wanted a job.
And for my sins they gave me one.

Brought it up to me like room service.

It was a real choice job.
And when it was over, I’d never want another.

The Doors – The End(the opening sequence of Apocalypse Now):


9 thoughts on “the horror … the horror

    1. Oh I’m afraid I’ve been a little bit naughty with you here Susan.
      I can’t take credit for it! It’s from the film Apocalypse Now!

      I wish I had written it though, dammit.
      And Apocalypse Now, in turn, was based on Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad.
      Thanks for the comment Susan!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Heavy stuff. Powerful and challenging. I have felt like this. A bleakness, despair. Yet during these times we find our greatest passion with self expression. Above is right, reading it with the video brings it to the dark grey concrete walls.


    1. Ah Tiff, I feel bad now. I’ve misled people here. I was playing with a monologue from Apocalypse Now. Not obvious unless you’ve seen it many times or recently. So sorry about that. I should’ve made it a bit clearer instead of expecting everyone to telpathically know. Wish I had written it though. I wrote the nano bits I changed!?
      But you’re right in that it reflects a certain parallel bleakness of getting a new job in a hometown I’m really not meant to be in any more. And the girlfriend thing but that’s a long old story. Emphasis on the old.
      Thanks for reading and commenting Tiff. Sorry for my strange tricksy subterfuge.

      Liked by 1 person

        1. Well that’s a good point. I just didnt want to trick you. I hate te thought of trying to pass someone else’s words off as my own. Unless they’re Marvin Gaye’s in the shower. “ooh oooh I bet you wonder how I knew …. about your plans to make me through….” (neighbours hurling themselves under passing buses. A small child projectile vomits. Dogs with paws over ears screaming…

          Liked by 2 people

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