If I lived in the West Side Story universe I think I’d have been a Jet, but I’d have been in love with a Shark woman. No wait, then that would make me Tony surely? Oh balls! OK not Tony, a different Jet, and I fell in love with a Shark woman first which makes me the original, and Tony the unoriginal impostor who copied me cos he’s lame!
My Jet name would be Navy and I’d wear only navy shirts, jeans and bomber jackets. And when I entered the room all the other Jets would say “Eeeeeyyyyyyyyyy Navy? What gives daddio?”
OH SHIT – suddenly I’m hearing all this in the voice of Stewey off Family Guy. That’s not what I was going for at all. This isn’t some stealth cry for help by some frustrated musical theatre ponce. Nooooooooooo – I’m all about the gang warfare and the coolness. See >>> my weapon of choice would be a baseball bat with nails banged into it. See? That’s pretty dark isn’t it? Too late. Eugh – please yerselves.
Anyway, I’m comfortable enough with my sexuality and my artistic tastes that I’d also be up for the odd impromptu dance number and comedy sing-a-long. Well when I wasn’t bashing heads and running from da law obviously.
I think I’ve fucked this post up now, while unintentionally giving off a faint air of homophobia. Listen – I don’t fear no homos. I’d like to make that clear. Wait that probably sounds wrong too. OK so let’s just say I am a friend to homosexuals.
Oh fuck this shit. I was not here. You did not read this.
(Plus here’s a song you peasants…)