I only just worked out, after decades in oblivion, that the girl I had a crush on in secondary school, Katie, looked a hell of a lot like Debbie Harry. How did I not see this before.
All my wit and charm and desperate pleading eventually culminated in Katie putting her left hand on my right knee during the 12-hour all night 5-a-side football match for charity. I got lucky with a charming one-liner. Shandy may have been involved.
I was promptly airlifted to hospital where I remained for 3 months rocking back and forth, in a catatonic state of strangeness.
I’d like to think I still have what it takes to impress the girlies.
Anyway, now you’ve cruelly bitten another chunk out of my fragile soul, here’s your stupid smelly song which you don’t deserve:
Blondie – Atomic.
I hope you’re happy!
(Wait, I don’t mean that I genuinely hope that you are happy – instead I mean that I hope you feel guilty for violating me up there(don’t!) by making me tell you that story about Katie)
(so almost the opposite of I hope you’re happy if you see what I mean?)
(Oh fuck it all anyway – how come I always get to look like the asshole at the end of these things? IT’s not FRIGGING FAIIIIIR is what it is man)
(Never mind – wish I hadn’t said anything now)
(I SAID CARRY ON!!!)