How Do You Solve a Problem Like Verbal Diarrhoea?

Executive decision here at Doubtpuppet Towers.

I am suspending my blog until I’ve published my poetry book. And that might not even be very long in theory but we shall see. Put it this way, if I don’t suspend the blog it will never happen!

The last year of my life has been a sick rollercoaster designed by the Marquis de Sade.

A couple of times I’ve tried to get organised and put a moratorium on the blog so I can achieve other things. Then, like clockwork, the shit hits the fan and I end up so beleaguered that I come crawling back to the blog for sanctuary. Cos honestly, I feel good for nothing else. And I enjoy it. It’s a nice cathartic place to alchemise weird energies into words, and let’s face it – utter nonsense.

But after a while there’s always a series of sharp epiphanies, and a line has to be drawn somewhere. I am simply unable to control how many posts I make and it takes up time I haven’t got. I do not make a good reciprocator as I have reading comprehension problems which, coupled with my OCD, makes reading long posts an absolute bloody nightmare for me some days. Most days to be fair. This is a problem that’s hit me like an oncoming freight train as I’ve tried to edit my own writing recently. WOW did that ever go apocalyptically badly. When I’m rich and famous I’ll be paying someone to do that. It’s so strange. I can write and write and write. It just comes pouring out. But reading is like pulling teeth for me. Go figure.

So I apologise to all of you who’ve read my posts and I haven’t reciprocated the gesture. I do try to, but sometimes it gets away from me and I lose track. I know I’ve missed some. I feel shit about it if it’s any consolation. (in which case you should be ashamed of yourself and seek psychiatric help)(see how I turned that around! Yay me!)

Anyway, for now, it’s time to kick myself up my amazing arse once again and put away childish things, so I can put all hands to the pump. Nooooo madam – I do NOT mean a penis pump. I can assure you that I do NOT need one of those!!!

(that’s right – I don’t have a penis)

You’re going to miss this high-brow political commentary aren’t you? I know.

Oh lord, and the song recommendations. I feel your pain children. Be strong.

I will be back in the near future once my book is published(or maybe just before) to DAZZLE you with its confusing splendour, and to shamelessly beg you to buy it. And if that doesn’t work, well I’ll move onto phase 2 of my marketing campaign where I’ll threaten a succession of cute animals until you get the message.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

For now,

we happy few,

we band of bloggers,

I am gonna leave you with some fairly abysmal limericks I was too embarrassed to publish 2 weeks ago but now I just don’t care!:

 

I decided to get a pet sheep

because dogs are expensive to keep

now my lawn mower’s sold

and I never get cold

cos my sweaters are 3 inches deep

 

Our fish monger thinks that he’s God

he sits on a throne with a rod

when the chip shop burned down

folk from all over town

sent him prayers for their haddock and cod

 

Since the cat walking sector collapse

all the folks in my road installed flaps

now the cats come and go

although cheese sales are slow

cos the mice throw themselves on the traps

 

An escape artist swallowed a bee

stealing honey to put in his tea

now he struggles because

of the horrible buzz

and he can’t seem to set himself free