Some Steven Wright quotes:
I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time” so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, “Happy Birthday”.
If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
I can levitate birds. No one cares.
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
Step Into The Nightmare 
I thought Steven Wright was just the best comedian.
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Oh me too. Him and Emo Philips. Mitch Hedberg had some good jokes too. But Steven was the best of all of them for me.
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I forgot about Mitch! I always thought he was pretending to be zonked out of his mind, but perhaps he simply was?
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I know what you mean. I think he was either a stoner or it was just part of his whole stage persona.
I’m a poet and I don’t know it.
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me neither ……….hahahahahahaha!!
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🙂
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Well, you’ve done it again. Tea spilled! Mission accomplished! 🙂
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Sadly Steven Wright has to take the credit for that one! What the heck, I don’t need the credit, I’m just glad the tea got spilled.
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